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Friday, October 29th, 2010
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I do not deal well with stress, and right now I feel like i could explode
I thought I'd been down enough to never relapse, right now I can feel myself slipping
I was that goth that burned out all his anger and turned trippy laid back hippy
It feels like the downward spiral is sucking me back in.
Too much pressure!
Not enough release!
I Must resist
This is comfortable like it used to be
I think I need re access what I'm doing, instead of downing in a sea of liquor
but it just feels like time to time to turn on, tune in and drop out!
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Comments: stab:in:the:dark.
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Thursday, December 15th, 2005
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no i havent died. i just moved out of home and don't have the net yet.... it will happen. once teething problems decide to be over.... i'm a little mixed up recently. but things will pan out... i'm sure of it... well i hope i'm sure of it.
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Comments: 4 :wound:s - stab:in:the:dark.
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Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
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Saturday, October 22nd, 2005
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| Time: | 11:31 pm. |
| Mood: |  numb. |
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somewhere sometime :: all things will be fine :: and it never seems to stop :: wonder if i've met my wife :: somewhere sometime :: all things will be fine :: and it never seems enough :: splinter left :: focus right :: this mortal soil around me :: mortal feeling i have found :: surrounded by your glory :: hold me now so that i never drown :: and it never seems to stop :: wonder if i've met my wife :: splinter left :: focus right :: focus right
Our lady peace - Are you sad?
"Are You Sad?"
Your life has been so hard
It's dried up angels that can't keep guard
I'm trying to reach your hand
But I'm on fire
I never planned to fade... away
Stay with me
Stop pretending when they say that you're nothing
Are you sad?
Are you holding yourself?
Are you locked in your room?
You shouldn't be..
I'm drowning inside your head
Help me to answer
Help understand
Why it's been so long since we talked like friends
Please, forgive me,
I'm just a man
Whose made mistakes
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Comments: 1 :wound: - stab:in:the:dark.
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Wednesday, August 10th, 2005
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| Time: | 4:02 pm. |
| Mood: |  contemplative. |
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it's been a hell hard week and a bit to handle but im still right here, giving blood, keeping faith and im still right here. joMAN's service was nice... and it's the hardest thing to say goodbye to your mates.
that's 2 of my friends in the last 12 months that i've watched be lowered into the earth on that hill..... i hate that hill!.. it breaks my heart knowing that i'll never see their faces again..... that they'll never drink a beer with me when we're hell bored... or share a cigi with me at a doof when we're reaching that magical peak and the main act is on..... but we had so unforgettable moments that's for sure.
i'm thankful that i got to share the time i did with them.... and it won't go forgotten
R.I.P. JoMAN and Bigmac, although your not here in person your your here still alive in us, all your friends, the ones who miss you.
----------------
on a lighter note. just over a month now for tara and i... she's so good to me, even lately when i've been pretty messy and vague.... i'm a very lucky man.... and i got a job at lynchs liqour, i delver drugs for the chemist and booze for the liqour store. thats all for now
Rick.
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Comments: 4 :wound:s - stab:in:the:dark.
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Thursday, August 4th, 2005
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these few days have been so hard. we all miss you so much jo!
the funeral is at 10.am tomorrow. and then we're going to raise the roof.
just like jo would have wanted us too... we're going to make this earth know that jo was fucking here.... and here fucking hardcore....
you burned so bright jo i'm still blinded. we love you man
P.L.U.R jam master
that's all for now.
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Comments: 2 :wound:s - stab:in:the:dark.
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Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
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my mate joe killed himself on monday afternoon.
he gassed himself in his green falcon.
i'm so sorry i couldnt help you joey.
i hope your at peace now man.
we had plenty of good times.
i won't forget.
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Comments: 1 :wound: - stab:in:the:dark.
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Saturday, July 16th, 2005
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"Dumb - Nirvana"
I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
Or maybe just happy
Think I'm just happy (x3)
My heart is broke
But I have some glue
Help me inhale
And mend it with you
We'll float around
And hang out on clouds
Then we'll come down
And have a hangover
Have a hangover (x3)
Skin the sun
Fall asleep
Wish away
The soul is cheap
Lesson learned
Wish me luck
Soothe the burn
Wake me up
============================================================================
last night was hell funny. was hanging with Tara then we went to check out, wog boy, hopey and taz's new house.. it looks heaps good, but the funny bit was people on shroomz. and pills... or a combination of both! haha!.. hell funny... had to take Tara home, then i went back and steve and i had a great little sing along, sang all these old songs i havent even listened to in ages.... amazing how i just recalled all the lyrics when i heard the first few words.... hmmm and i do realise i havent used any paragraphs. but who cares!
that's all for now.
Rick.
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Comments: stab:in:the:dark.
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Thursday, July 14th, 2005
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i think it's my lucky day... who'd have thought.
cradle of filth and warrnambool. haha. crazy
i'm over the moon i must say, your too awesome Tara.
hopefully the start of something great, i have a good feeling.
++breathe out, so i can breathe you in, hold you in++
Rick.
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Comments: 3 :wound:s - stab:in:the:dark.
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Wednesday, July 13th, 2005
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| Time: | 1:26 pm. |
| Mood: |  cheerful. |
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this month is my 3 year without SI aniversary.
i'm proud... and i havent had any form of illegal substance in almost 2 weeks.
biggest break i;ve had since school ended. and i feel pretty darn good.
july seems to be a good month for me...
might have something to do with fungi season.
always opens my eye to what i'm doing.
........
so as of late i have been heaps content with everything that's going on.
over the moon to tell the truth.
just remember... if in doubt say true norwegian black metal \m/(>.<)\m/
Rick.
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Comments: 1 :wound: - stab:in:the:dark.
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about 42 hours or so awake.... crazy....
but worth every second. i had an awesome night.
saw sol and kay and got to kiss a beautiful fun grrl.
thanx for an awesome evening Tara. :o) speak to you soon.
twas also fun meeting you too Holly, if you read this.
right now im going to get some much needed rest.
sleep is for the weak, but right now i feel like im going to pass out.
cant get a whole lot weaker then that can we?....
who knows....
Rick.
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Comments: 2 :wound:s - stab:in:the:dark.
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well i've just got back from W.A, i havent slept since about 8am yesterday when i woke up.
so im a little fuzzy headed and i can hear music that isnt even playing lol.
it was a hell mad holiday. i got to catch up with my cousins, fred, ashlea and emilia.
haven't seen them since the christmas of 95... a fkn long time....
i spent 300 bux over the ten days i'd say about 200 of that went on bottles of Canadian club and johnny red.
which is a huge effort for me... i hardly drink... i did not smoke anything but 10 cig's through out the whole adventure. go me.
..... lot's more to write... had a blast.. was mad seeing my cousins.....
rodger dodger..... more when im not jet lagged and i've had sleep.....
Rick
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Comments: 1 :wound: - stab:in:the:dark.
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Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005
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well i just woke up... how good am i?... lol! not very good.
in other news i got half my hair cut off, it's still real long though
was insanely metal \m/ at it's full length, i'll post photo's when i can be bothered of how long it was before the great hair massacre. lol
picked more fungi yesterday, tis certainly the season to be loopy.
going to apply for a job at harvey norman today, need some work.
there's only so much nothing that you can do........
.... Nic and Kelso will be home from melb at the end of this week. I've missed those guys heaps. be great to see them :o)
been tossing about the idea of giving up smoking flutes. my lungs are drilled.
and i'm starting to hate being stoned. i think it's just the smoking process that i love so hardcore.
i been putting my body and mind through some big test's as of late
and i have a slight feeling if i carry on like this i could do some serious damage. don't want to end up in the ward like a few of my mates in recent times.... poor lads.
well im off to go apply for jobs.
keep it real. and dont do anything i wouldn't do ;o)
Rick.
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Comments: 9 :wound:s - stab:in:the:dark.
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fungal induced psychosis. temporary insanity.
we picked over a 1000 pretty shroomz on saturday.
there arent many left today. i made so many people loopy
with my brown paper bags full of fungal insanity
but you have to respect the shrooms or they'll bite you.
a bad trip is never any fun and they have a habbit of getting full intense.
just got to hold your head together. it's defintely a challenge
i can't wait till the season is in full flight.
i had a marathon 14 hour trip. amazing really.
my first decent dose for the season. 55 fresh from the ground.
super scattered right now.. defintely sleep time.
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Comments: 5 :wound:s - stab:in:the:dark.
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| Time: | 12:56 am. |
| Mood: |  indescribable. |
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it's a slight tingling sensation. something that you would relate to water flowing of a water fall. a devine infinity. a tiny black dot on a sheet of white paper.the smooth motion as if a robot but still fluent and extremely precise. so alive but still somewhat mechanical. senses broken down to raw impulse caused by a chemical reaction in your own physical brain matter. or something greater then the physical. beyond our realm. a link to that of the other worlds. another place we are. yet unaware that we are here. and in our own heads we strive to be at this place. but yet that place doesnt ever exist. because it has always existed. so we want to be where we already are. but we just dont know it.
do you understand what im saying?.....
...x...
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Comments: stab:in:the:dark.
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| Time: | 11:40 pm. |
| Mood: |  creative. |
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Weekend was much better then i expected!
Friday: Work then off to tarryns 19th... wasnt much fun because i was sick. ended up going out just to watch all these fools i got munted, was amusing as! silly steve lyon makes me laff hard as when he's munted. i ended up having a half a bik even though i was dead set on not having any. but the pubs were shit and the bik wasnt kicken coz i was sick and in an odd mood. so i bailed home and went to bed... felt good when i got into bed and started rushing hard as. that's my luck... worst night of sleep in ages. woke up almost every hour.
Saturday: doof at the cri.. danced all night to electro. decent dj's and lasers in warrni. i was impressed. blue dolphins, blue ladies and green mitz. what more could you want??... lol.. had a blast then went back to reddo's with sol, duss, kay, amy, reddo, jacobs, tina, katrina, duss, portz, dan, and some other cool couple i cant remember names, they were on acid (they fire twirl and sell pretty stuff for a living... they rocked) + others that came and went.. was a kicken evening indeed....
Sunday: 3 hours sleep and a shower after leaving reddo's and chris showed up at sol's with a surprise for me 'Philosophers Stone'. aka P.Tampanensis shrooms.... never tired em before.. only had P.Subs. but what a brilliant way to get me out of scatt mode... a lovely sunday trip with some nice smooth visuals, made me feel great after chem scat. kay took us for a drive and we met up with heaps of scattered fools on canon hill, i enjoyed it immensely.
.....
...........
now on another note.
mothers been getting on my back about how i've lost all this weight. her friends have been putting stupid ideas in her head.
i've lost over 20 kilo since november and lately with my lack of appetite due to drugs and only eating when need to. i am dropping more at a rapid rate...and loving every single minute of it.. i have been eating healthy and much less then i used to. but nothing to worry about. it's not a full on obsession. just getting healthy
i cant really say i been eating bikies and dancing for days on end just to come down and have a trip to battle the scattered.... dont think that'd go down to well. ah well all my old clothes dont fit and that sux.i have dropped 4 jean sizes. amazing aye... just gotta find a way to get mum off my back. she'll think i've got an eating disorder. which i believe i can honestly say i dont have.
bah, it's all funny...
well this weekend is going to be a blast. a little outdoor doof in princetown called Royal doof 2, with jordy, chris and h
DOOF IS GOOD - BUT ROYAL DOOF IS BETTER! w00t! www.royaldoof.cjb.net
gotta love acid in the outdoors. w0000!
Keep it real.
Rick.
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Comments: 7 :wound:s - stab:in:the:dark.
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DJ Tieso - Close to you.
I wouldn't call it time well spent
Repeating to myself again
Find comfort in an endless stream of moments
I don't even care, about the way I feel today
Because it changes anyway
Something will make me cry or smile
Another picture on my pile
Now I'm standing close to you
It's just something that I do
When I need love to be enough
I wish love could be enough
'cause there is nothing more appealing
Than the thought that I could be enough
Do you find solace in the sun?
Do you consider life as one?
Do you believe there is a limit
To how fast a man can run?
Someone said you're born alive
Well I don't feel that alive
No I don't feel that alive
I don't feel that alive
Now I'm standing close to you
It's just something that I do
When I need love to be enough
I wish love could be enough
'cause there is nothing more appealing
Than the thought that I could be enough...enough
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Comments: 1 :wound: - stab:in:the:dark.
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rustyblade's journal
blank.
dorky.
crazy.